A Brief History of Garlic - Retold

 A Story of the Stinking Rose

Strong in flavour, weak in looks

Often the hero in vampire books

On seeing me some turn up their nose

I am famous as the Stinking Rose!

Do I even need to ask who am I?

This is my story, the story of the humble garlic. In my case, the adage ‘absence makes the heart fonder’ actually holds true. Because the tragedy of my life is that if I am around I am definitely not winning any hearts.

Despite my many perceived shortcomings, and I use the term perceived with extreme prejudice, I have found a place in cultures around the world. From being used as offerings to the gods, to being generally reviled, I have faced reactions that cover the entire spectrum and then some.

Read on, to find out a painstakingly typed out (try typing with unruly garlic cloves for hands) a brief history of, well, me!

When Life Happened

For someone who’s faced extreme reactions from humans all my life, my beginnings are surprisingly pedestrian. The early years were all about trying to discover myself. The family of alliums that I hail from was a large one, and everyone had their own idea on what they were going to be when they grew up.

I on my part, was as confused as a hormone-riddled teenager, which I was. If you were to tell me then that I would grow up to be reviled and loved with equal intensity around the world, I would have laughed you out of my hole in the ground.

I faintly remember starting my journey in the Neolithic age in central Asia where humans first came across my family and my great-great-ancestor - Allium Longiscuspis. While I inherited my family’s particular pungency, I had the unfortunate distinction of being the skunkiest of them all.

And that, in a nutshell, is the cornerstone of my love-hate relationship with humanity.

This is Me

A lot of what I know about myself I have only been able to understand lately thanks to human beings and their incessant need to learn more about things. (Thank you for staying curious you two-legged wonders!)

I have come to understand my name, garlic, comes from the Anglo-Saxon word that means spear-leek. Funnily enough, I come from the lily, or Liliaceae, family, just like onions, leeks and shallots. However, my pungency is something that puts all of them to shame.

There are a number of conflicting accounts, but I believe that I was first cultivated as a crop by ancient Sumerians. It was them who took me to China, and later to countries like India, Korea and Japan. Everywhere I went it was my unique fragrance that either won me appreciation or outright loathing. I never understood the need for these extreme reactions, but hey, who doesn’t like attention, and on my part, I was getting quite a bit of it.

I found out that apart from being slightly pungent, I lent a beautiful flavour to foods, have medicinal properties and ward off evil (this one was a surprise even for me!). While I can assure you of the first two, the third bit is something that I am not too convinced about. Because apart from making you stinky enough to be unpalatable for all things evil, there is very little I can do.

Other than this tomfoolery, humans and I have had a somewhat symbiotic relationship. I exuded warmth, which is why they kept me close in winters and help them with ailments like asthma and bronchitis. It was in Egypt that I found the first peak of my popularity, and so began the most celebrated period of my long life.

My Journey with the Egyptians

In my youth, my time with the great Egyptians was a thing to remember. I saw a lot of interesting rituals being performed there by them. My qualities made me very popular amongst mortals and gods alike (no kidding). I was revered by the Egyptians because I helped them ward off evil. I even helped keep them keep safe during long lonely journeys, not that I did much, but hey, whatever makes them feel more secure eh!

So established was my fear that the Egyptians wanted me to accompany the most celebrated Pharoah of Egypt, King Tuthakamen, to the afterlife and keep his remains safe from unholy entities. Of course, I didn’t want to get stuck with him forever, so I sent a distant cousin for this prestigious job and look how proud he has made the entire family.

The only thing I couldn’t understand about Egyptians was their obsession with cats. One cat legitimately took a whiff off of me, convulsed and gagged a little in her mouth, offensive much?

I had a fulfilling life there. Be it food, medicinal purposes, religious and traditional rituals or death, my existence completed their journey. Did I mention, I was also used as a currency here at a point of time, and a mere crop failure in one season led to a slave revolt.

The European Saga

As my stock rose among humans, my travel diaries began to get even more elaborate. I reached the European markets through trade. At first, it was all Greek and Latin for me, but then I realized that was just how they spoke.

The Greek temples were a revelation and so was their civilisation. The father of Medicine - Hippocrates became a close friend, and was hugely appreciative of my virtues. The Greek soldiers consumed me for strength. I was even worshipped in their temples, I might even be the first root vegetable that is also a Greek God, in my opinion at least.

But the temples there had some weird rules. They wouldn’t allow me in the temple or those who had consumed me. Turns out, their ‘alcohol breath test’ was really a garlic breath test. That was a bit of a downer considering I really loved Greek architecture and chilling around the temples was half the fun.

The Italians were pretty taken by the Greeks. Their house physician, Dioscorides, also recommended me to Nero’s army. I helped them beef up before battles and, if you have seen 300 (the movie, duh) you’d know that is saying something. Did you know, the very first version of pizza only had some garlic and olive oil as toppings? The Italian royalty avoided me but when Queen of Italy, Margherita of Savoy, visited Naples, Raffaelle Esposito added me to the pizza sauce and made a pizza that represented the Italian flag. The queen couldn’t get enough of the flavour and now I am a staple among the Italians.

Rumour has it that vampires were scared of me and stayed away from people who chewed on my cloves or kept me handy. How that came about, I have no idea. So I gained popularity as a supernatural ingredient with some exceptional ‘bhoot bhagao’ qualities *seriously? How gullible are these humans?

The Asian Adventure

I reached the Indian subcontinent and other parts of Asia from central Asia. The Asians have a habit of overusing me, which is not bad, really. They also made a variety of different pickles, sauces and chutneys with me, I particularly liked being a part of the ‘Thecha’ in particular. I had a very good relationship with red and green chillies here. I finally knew someone who was as unabashed about being strongly flavoured as I was. Together, we both set the house or rather, mouths, on fire. The love Asians’ have for everything loud and spicy kind of helped me get popular in the masses.

Because of my versatility and ease in rehabilitation, planting me became easy and sustainable. I soon became the crop for all seasons.

Japanese and Chinese doctors often prescribed me as a potent medicine for all kinds of pulmonary and digestive problems. I was also mentioned in the Charak- Samhita for my healing properties. They knew how to utilise my potential to treat all kinds of heart problems.

The Other Side of the Coin

Life has not always been a rose-tinted fantasy for me, there have been some weird times that ended up in me getting a bad rap. No matter how ardently I was revered for my good qualities, my biggest virtue usually became my biggest vice. My peculiar smell repelled a lot of people. The more “refined” the world became, the more it started disliking my odour.

So, the priests in Egypt treated me like a god but consciously avoided including me in their meals. The French and Italian royals looked down upon me for they felt that I stunk too much, but the peasants loved me in their meals. The pundits and upper-class sections in India shunned me completely while I became a staple among the commoners.

My strong flavour was disdained by the crème de la crème of all these societies and I was deemed fit for the commoners only. These simpletons loved me for I made their food enjoyable and lent a zing to their otherwise tasteless food. This characteristic also went against me because I was accused of overpowering the natural flavour of a lot of my peers.

This reminds me of another long saga. The fact that I was being overused gave a bad rap to the Italians that migrated from Italy for good and shifted to The States. They were mostly commoners and left their land for a better future. I went with them as their companion and they started using me in all their meals. This created a tiff between the resident Italians and the Italians that migrated to other places on the authenticity of Italian food. To this date, the residents of Italy don’t make use of me in all their meals and that’s fine, I guess. Not everything has to be about me, eh? But could you not hurt my feelings though?

My Life Today

I have lived a long life of 5000 years and plan to continue my journey and create a warm place in the hearts of people who come across me. People have had a love-hate relationship with me but I have no regrets and will always be by their side no matter what.

The millennials love my flavour but still avoid eating me because they feel like I spoil their intimate moments. What they don’t understand is, good food leads to beautiful moments. (Good breath can’t save you if you have bad kissing skills, TBH)

So embrace all your characteristics and the right kind of people will appreciate you for who you are, even if you are a stinky, pungent bulb that tastes fantastic when added to food.